By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
Parents of teenagers often find it challenging to connect with their children, but this interaction can improve. There are several strategies that parents can adopt—and some they should avoid—to enhance communication with their teens. Here are expert recommendations:
Offer Solid Justifications
It’s essential for teens to feel that their parents value their perspectives. Rather than merely expressing opinions or issuing commands, parents should explain the reasoning behind their views. “Make sure to share why you hold your beliefs,” advises Rachel Ehmke from the Child Mind Institute. By providing clear justifications, you can foster understanding and compliance.
Give Them Time to Reflect
Teens may need several days or even weeks to fully absorb what was said during a significant conversation. If they seem confused initially, allow them the necessary time to reflect before revisiting the topic. “Over time, you might discover that the conversation takes on new dimensions,” notes clinical psychologist Dr. Gregory Jantz.
Transform Statements into Questions
Reframing your points as questions can enhance your teen’s critical thinking. “When you pose questions,” says Josh Shipp, author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, “you encourage your kids to engage their own reasoning skills.” Approach discussions with inquiries that prompt them to consider the implications of their choices.
“Stop talking before your teen tunes out.”
Be Concise
Keep your conversations brief and straightforward, advises therapist Mendi Baron. “If your dialogue trails on, your teen is likely thinking, ‘I got it already, please stop.’ So, know when to wrap it up before they disengage.” While it’s tempting for parents to share everything on their minds, doing so can lead to misunderstandings.
Stay Calm
Even when faced with rudeness or disinterest from their teens, parents should maintain their composure. Losing your temper can escalate discussions and lead to conflicts. Remember, you are the adult and should manage your emotional responses. Instead of reacting impulsively, Ms. Ehmke suggests, “take a moment to count to ten or take deep breaths before you respond.”
Avoid Lecturing
Lecturing can cause your teen to tune out entirely. “When you give a lecture,” asserts Mr. Shipp, “you risk becoming the boy who cried wolf. No matter how important your message, your teen may not hear a word of it.” Lectures often turn into one-sided conversations, lacking the dialogue necessary for effective communication.
A lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.
Be Mindful of Your Language
“Feeling judged is never pleasant,” states professional counselor Trudy Griffin. “If you appear critical or judgmental, your teen may close off.” Strive to communicate your thoughts in as neutral a tone as possible. By removing judgmental language from your conversations, Ms. Griffin says you might be surprised at how much more receptive your teen becomes.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.
