By Christy Monson and Heather Boynton; Co-authors of Stand Up to Sexting
Research indicates that around 40% of teenagers are engaged in sexting activities in some form.[1]
Is this article really about . . . sexting?
Yes, it is! If you’re a parent or someone who interacts with adolescents, this may not come as a surprise. Recent studies[2] show that sexting is now among the top ten concerns for parents, even surpassing issues like teen pregnancy, smoking, or school violence in some instances. One parent expressed her relief upon hearing we were writing a book about this topic: “Absolutely! I want to discuss this with my daughter, but it’s just so challenging to bring up. This book is precisely what I need.”
If you relate to that, you’re in the right place! Whether you’re a parent, teacher, grandparent, faith leader, or mentor, you are not alone.
Engagement in sexting is associated with increased levels of anxiety, depression, and even suicide rates among teens.[3]
Understanding the challenges of sexting
Let’s clarify: sexting is indeed a significant issue. Research suggests that about 40% of teenagers partake in some form of sexting[4]. While some argue it’s merely a phase of teenage sexual exploration, this perspective is misguided. Sexting carries heavy emotional, social, mental, and legal ramifications. Here are some critical points to consider:
- There is a correlation between sexting, anxiety, depression, and a rise in suicidal ideation among teens.[5]
- Sexting can undermine trust and stability in relationships while escalating conflicts.[6]
- The release of dopamine triggered by sexting can be comparable to that caused by addictions to substances or pornography.[7]
- In certain jurisdictions, sexting can result in serious legal consequences, including charges related to child pornography.
- Sexting is increasingly being used as a tool for cyberbullying and extortion.
- According to recent data, sexting behaviors can initiate as early as twelve years of age.[8]
Sexting is often listed among the top parental concerns—sometimes even rated higher than teen pregnancy, smoking, or school violence.
The necessity of discussing sexting with young people
The answer is straightforward: because the conversation is largely absent. While school programs and government initiatives cover the dangers of drugs and alcohol comprehensively, sexting remains a largely unaddressed issue. This gap highlights the need for parents and caregivers to engage in this vital conversation. This article aims to assist you in initiating that dialogue.
Starting the discussion
When addressing online safety, it’s crucial to have regular conversations early on. Research shows that children typically receive their first smartphone around age ten[9], and many encounter explicit content between the ages of eight and eleven. Therefore, if you’re planning to discuss sexting only when your child reaches high school, you might be too late. It’s advisable to begin discussions between the ages of ten and thirteen, depending on your child’s readiness. Here are several strategies for initiating this topic:
- Ensure that the setting is comfortable and private so your child feels safe asking questions.
- Approach the conversation with openness and honesty. Try to create an atmosphere where both you and your child feel at ease, paying attention to your body language to convey relaxation.
- Affirm your love for your child and express trust in their decision-making. Make it clear that your intention to discuss these matters stems from a desire to empower them to make the right choices. For example, “Landon, we appreciate how responsible you are! Your help this morning meant a lot to me, and I want to talk to you about something you might encounter.”
- Frame the conversation positively. Highlight the advantages of technology while also addressing potential risks. For instance, “Brooklyn, we’re thrilled about your new smartphone! It’s fantastic that you can reach us anytime, and we loved the meme you shared. I want to ensure you’re safe while enjoying your phone.”
- Make it clear that mistakes are part of the learning process, and offer your support. Emphasize that even good kids can make poor choices, and reassure them that you are there to help navigate difficult situations. “Mark, if something unexpected happens, like receiving a compromising picture, remember you can always talk to me. I care about you and want to support you through any challenges.”
Incorporate storytelling
Utilizing stories can be a practical approach to discussing sexting and its various manifestations. Together, you and your child can explore fictional scenarios that allow for discussion without placing them directly in the spotlight. Our book, Stand Up to Sexting, contains numerous such narratives. One relevant example follows:
- Story: Vanishing Trick
In a leadership class, Luis and his peers were tasked with compiling images from the school year for a slideshow. While some engaged in that discussion, others shared about a new social media app claiming to erase pictures immediately after posting. Intrigued, they began to test the app. Luis sent a selfie to Abby across the room, and shortly after, Carson forwarded a picture of Carlos breakdancing—both images vanished quickly.
Later, during lunch, Luis and his friends decided to push the boundaries further. Devin, Luis’s best friend, had received a sext from a girl in English class and excitedly forwarded it to the group. They laughed at the daring act, unaware that Luis saved a screenshot before it disappeared.
The following day, while sharing photos with their teacher, Luis inadvertently revealed the nude image stored on his phone. Both Luis and Devin were mortified. Devin didn’t realize anyone had preserved the image, leading to severe consequences as they were expelled along with the girl involved and law enforcement was notified.
Q&A Prompts:
- What does it mean to have a digital footprint?
- Are the images and messages you share truly permanent? How do apps that claim to delete them work?
- What actions could Devin and Luis have taken to prevent this outcome? How about the girl in the image?
Additional stories and resources
Our book, Stand Up to Sexting, includes many further narratives, discussion prompts, and journaling options. We commend your determination to protect your children. Reaching the conclusion of this article is a promising indication of your commitment. While these conversations might seem daunting, remember that you are capable! We believe in both you and your children—together, you can effectively confront the challenges of sexting!
ABOUT CHRISTY MONSON:
As a marriage and family therapist, Christy Monson has spent years supporting clients in Las Vegas and Salt Lake City as they heal and reshape their lives. She holds a BA from Utah State University and an MS from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. A mother of six and grandmother to many, Christy is now retired and resides in northern Utah. Her authorship includes several titles such as 50 Real Heroes for Boys and Family Talk.
ABOUT HEATHER BOYNTON:
Heather is part of the Child Development Department at Clovis Community College. She has a MA in early childhood education from California State University and has worked as both a preschool teacher and a trainer for Programs for Infants and Toddlers. Now a full-time professor, she resides in California with her husband, Dave, and their four children, several of whom are teenagers.
[1] https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-sexting
[2] “Top 10 Child Health Problems: More Concern for Sexting, Internet Safety.” National Poll on Children’s Health. https://mottpoll.org/reports-surveys/top-10-child-health-problems-more-concern-sexting-internet-safety.
[3] Gassó, Klettke, Agustina, and Montiel. “Sexting, Mental Health, and Victimization Among Adolescents: A Literature Review.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 16, no. 13 (March 2019): 2364. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16132364.
[4] https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-sexting
[5] Ibid.
[6] Galovan, Adam M., Michelle Drouin, and Brandon T. Mcdaniel. “Sexting Profiles in the United States and Canada: Implications for Individual and Relationship Well-Being.” Computers in Human Behavior 79 (2018): 19–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2017.10.017.
[7] Hilton, Donald L. “Pornography Addiction – a Supranormal Stimulus Considered in the Context of Neuroplasticity.” Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology 3, no. 1 (2013): 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767.
[8] Madigan, Sheri, et al. “Prevalence of Multiple Forms of Sexting Behavior Among Youth.” JAMA Pediatrics 172, no. 4 (January 2018): 327. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2017.5314.
[9] https://www.pandasecurity.com/mediacenter/panda-security/when-should-kids-get-smartphones
Editor’s Note: The views expressed in this article are solely those of the authors and do not reflect the official stance of GLF or its editorial team. This submission was voluntary, and GLF is thankful to Christy Monson and Heather Boynton for their insights on this critical subject.
