By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
How can you differentiate between your children facing overwhelming stress and those simply dealing with typical challenges in a healthy way? Understanding when stress transitions from a manageable state to a concerning issue is crucial. Experts suggest observing the following indicators—physical, behavioral, and communicative—that may signal stress in your children:
Physical Indicators
According to child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, children grappling with significant stress often report various physical discomforts, such as headaches, neck pain, back pain, and stomach issues. Symptoms can escalate to gastrointestinal problems, including constipation, diarrhea, and nausea. Additionally, these children may experience dizziness and fluctuations in their eating habits—either refusing to eat or indulging excessively.
Struggling with sleep is another common symptom among stressed children. They may struggle to fall asleep, face nightmares, or experience disruptions in their sleep patterns. Heidi Murkoff, author of the popular What to Expect When You’re Expecting series, notes that dramatic shifts in sleep behavior can be a significant warning sign, indicating that your child may be experiencing stress. Worries can prevent them from sleeping well, which in turn can lead to night terrors, sleepwalking, or a reluctance to sleep alone. Moreover, persistent tiredness can result in them falling ill more frequently than their peers.
Children dealing with high levels of stress are also likely to develop heightened worries, fears, and anxieties over time.
A variety of physical symptoms may manifest in children, making it essential to monitor for clusters of these symptoms as indicators of excessive stress.
Behavioral Indicators
Alongside physical symptoms, it’s vital to also observe behavioral changes. Dr. Borba points out that common behaviors associated with stress include restlessness, irritability, mood swings, forgetfulness, confusion, and an inability to maintain focus on tasks. Children experiencing acute stress may also develop new anxieties and fears. According to Murkoff, stressed children might resort to self-soothing actions, such as nail-biting, hair-twirling, or skin-scratching.
Some may struggle to control their emotions, leading to outbursts or aggressive actions like tantrums and conflicts with peers and family. Conversely, other children might revert to younger behaviors, demonstrating dependency through excessive crying or whining. There are those who withdraw from social interactions they once found enjoyable and become reluctant to engage with family or friends. Dr. Robert Myers emphasizes that a significant warning sign is when a child loses interest in their social circles.
In academic settings, stress can hinder concentration, leading to blank moments when prompted by teachers and underperformance in schoolwork. These children may request to stay home due to feeling unwell, hoping to escape school obligations.
“A significant warning sign is when a child loses interest in their social circles.”
Dr. Robert Myers
Particularly for younger children, it’s crucial for parents to recognize behavioral shifts, as these children may struggle to articulate their feelings. Murkoff concurs, suggesting that parents adopt a “behavioral detective” approach to notice subtle changes likely tied to stress.
Communicative Indicators
Licensed clinical social worker Jay Rosenstein advocates for parents to closely monitor their children’s language regarding their feelings and self-perceptions, followed by deeper conversations about these topics. For instance, when a child expresses feelings like “everyone hates me,” it might invoke alarm, but the underlying issue could be something relatively benign, like being teased at school, which can often be resolved with communication to the teacher. In contrast, statements such as “I feel trapped” should be taken seriously.
The message is clear: drawing conclusions solely from what children say isn’t always accurate in determining the severity of their stress. Instead of reacting impulsively or minimizing their feelings, Rosenstein suggests open conversations with your child to truly understand their experiences: “Kids often retreat to their rooms after school and shut the door, losing touch with what’s actually happening for them. Keeping communication channels open and ensuring time for connection is essential.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.
NOTE: This article was originally published in 2023.
