By T.J. Griffin and Kelly Jameson, Ph.D., LPC-S | Contributors, Grant Halliburton Foundation
While many people recognize the joy of the holiday season, it is also a time that comes with its fair share of stress. The cheerful spirit we anticipate can easily fall victim to the numerous demands placed upon us during this time. Must the holidays truly be so taxing? Is there a way to ease the burden?
To better understand the holiday stressors, we conducted a survey to identify the most common sources of stress. We then consulted with Dr. Kelly Jameson, a therapist based in Dallas, to gather expert strategies for meeting our high expectations and enjoying the festive season.
Q: In our survey, many respondents indicated that “obligations” and “expectations” are their top sources of holiday stress. Why do you think this is such a prevalent issue?
A: The holiday season symbolizes joy, community, and connection—elements that often feel insufficient throughout the year. Our desire for meaningful connections drives us to overextend ourselves during this short period. Since we often neglect scheduling joyful family times throughout the year, we assume we need to cram all the happiness into the limited weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This quest for a burst of concentrated joy often leads to what I refer to as the 4Fs: Festive Family Fun Fatigue.
This quest for a burst of concentrated joy often leads to what I refer to as the 4Fs: Festive Family Fun Fatigue.
Dr. Kelly Jameson
Q: How can we alleviate the stress associated with holiday obligations and expectations?
A: This involves a dual approach: one aspect focuses on internal shifts, while the other addresses external adjustments.
Internally, embrace gratitude. Each morning, remind yourself that the holidays are meant to be joyful and appreciate the presence of loved ones during this time. It’s about the people, not the decor or the gifts. Prioritize relationships over perfection.
Avoid succumbing to the holiday hype. Engaging with the pressure can lead to feeling overwhelmed. By choosing to reject stress, you can craft a much more enjoyable experience. Remember, your mindset will ultimately shape your feelings and experiences this season.
Externally, communicate your intention! If hosting or visiting relatives, inform your family ahead of time that you are opting for a “traditional holiday,” a “simple season,” or similar theme to set expectations for a more relaxed atmosphere.
Prepare in advance! As with many aspects of life, people often desire a positive outcome without investing the necessary effort. Organizing your calendar to align with what works best for you and your family is crucial. Conducting a quick online search for “holiday planning” can provide resources to help streamline your preparations.
Many people voice their frustrations about holiday stress, but how many take the time to organize ahead of time?
Q: Shopping and gift-giving often rank high on the list of holiday stressors. How can we ease those pressures?
A: There are solutions, albeit they may not be what you want to hear. For larger families, consider drawing names, establishing rules that limit gift exchanges to children, creating a themed gift exchange, or setting maximum spending limits. I imagine you might already be crafting excuses in your head about why these suggestions won’t work for your family. This highlights my point: the path to a less stressful holiday is available, but many struggle with embracing a less-is-more philosophy.
Additionally, it’s perfectly acceptable to abandon the idea of reciprocation: “She gave me something; I must return the favor.” This line of thinking can quickly spiral. You won’t always be able to predict who will give you a small, unexpected gift, so focus on expressing gratitude and carrying on with your day.
You won’t always be able to predict who will give you a small, unexpected gift, so focus on expressing gratitude and carrying on with your day.
Q: Family conflicts seem almost inevitable during the holidays. What strategies can help mitigate family drama?
A: Ah, the million-dollar question! If I possessed the key to avoiding family drama during the holidays, I would surely be a wealthy therapist! Seriously, while your family may not be free from tension, you can choose not to contribute to it.
In my practice, I often work with teenagers discussing their own family drama. I advise them to avoid engaging with it; a simple smile and nod can go a long way. Suggesting a nonconfrontational response like “cool” can help you navigate interactions, such as with Uncle Larry who critiques your choices at dinner or Aunt Pam who prompts the shy nephew to share his recent experiences in school. Use humor, change the subject, or simply smile and move on to steer clear of contentious discussions.
Additionally, talk to your partner before family gatherings and express your concerns: “You know my family can be challenging for me. I need your support this weekend. I don’t want to argue with you, but family dynamics might frustrate me, so let’s agree to be patient with each other.” This simple dialogue can strengthen your bond and set a supportive tone.
Q: The holiday season can intensify feelings of loss and sadness. How can someone honor their grief while seeking joy during this time?
A: Setting aside time to remember loved ones who are no longer with us is crucial during your holiday planning. This could involve participating in activities they enjoyed or finding solace in private moments at home that allow for reflection on cherished memories. Engage with photographs, letters, or mementos that remind you of them. Allow yourself the space and time to navigate your emotions and the memories you hold dear. Ignoring these feelings will only heighten your distress. Permit yourself to grieve, reflect, and remember the love and connection you’ve shared with them.
Editor’s Note: The Grant Halliburton Foundation is dedicated to enhancing mental health resources for children, teens, and young adults, fostering positive mental health, and preventing suicide. For further information, visit GrantHalliburton.org
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