By Dan Dunkin | Contributor
While children naturally crave affection and attention from their parents, managing this when raising multiple kids can be tough. The challenge often arises when siblings exhibit stark differences in their talents and personalities.
Jennifer Lynch, an educator and advocate for children, as well as the author of the children’s book Livi and Grace, emphasizes the value of offering each child equal love and support to foster their happiness. According to her, it starts with parents recognizing the individuality of each child.
“Children are unique, unknown little people waiting to be revealed,” explains Lynch. “Parents should consider how to appreciate these differences and ensure that each child feels and understands their own special qualities.”
“Allow the mystery of their identities and destinies to unfold organically, regardless of how extraordinary or unusual they may be. It is vital for every child to feel cherished, significant, and loved,” she adds.
Lynch provides several helpful strategies for parents on how to distribute their attention fairly among children with varied interests and characteristics:
Prioritize quality one-on-one time. Regularly dedicating time to engage with each child individually communicates to them that they are valued. “This involves putting away phones, minimizing distractions, and being fully present,” Lynch states. “Establish eye contact, ask thoughtful questions, and genuinely listen, allowing them to guide the conversation or activity. Doing so cultivates a sense of safety, control, and affection.”
Honor their individuality. Uneven parental focus can prompt siblings to start making comparisons—a detrimental practice that can lead to jealousy and diminish self-esteem, thus heightening sibling rivalry. Children might also perceive favoritism. “For instance, while Susie may be quicker than Johnny, Johnny could excel in chess,” Lynch points out. “When they begin to compare, shift the dialogue to celebrate the unique strengths each possesses. Highlight examples that illustrate how these differences contribute positively.”
Express your love. “Your love for your children is evident, so expressing it openly is crucial,” Lynch advises. “Offer sincere praise or gentle guidance when they need to reattempt something—be it misbehavior or losing a game—while avoiding any shaming language.”
Validate genuinely. Regarding praise, Lynch emphasizes that its quality matters far more than its frequency. “Children can easily detect insincere compliments,” she notes. “They can sense whether your recognition is heartfelt or just superficial.”
“By appreciating each child’s true self, you can help instill self-confidence in them,” Lynch remarks. “They will follow your example, discovering further positive traits within themselves. Ensuring that each unique child feels genuinely loved and cherished lays the foundation for them to grow into happy, responsible adults.”
Editor’s Note: Jennifer Lynch is an expert in education and child advocacy, and she has authored children’s literature. For more information, visit her website at www.jenniferlynchbooks.com.
