The “sandwich” generation comprises individuals balancing the duties of caring for aging parents while also nurturing their children. Embracing this responsibility as an opportunity rather than a burden can help ease the process.
by Deb Silverthorn
As many baby boomers find themselves sending their kids off to summer camps and colleges while simultaneously sorting through their parents’ homes and contemplating their future, the journey doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Just as parents take time and effort to explore educational and recreational options for their children, a similar approach should be applied when considering the needs of the elders who cared for us.
“It’s essential to discuss your parents’ future, regardless of their age, and maintain regular dialogues,” advised Joyce Logan, founder of Ruby Care Senior Living Advisors. “Make it a priority for you, rather than solely for them.”
Joyce’s path to understanding senior care was quite personal; her experience with her mother-in-law, Ruby, illuminated the vital needs of seniors. After Ruby’s husband passed, the suggestion to move closer to family sparked a common family dilemma. Initially, Ruby held a narrow view of what “senior living” entailed, but after exploring several facilities over time, she discovered a range of choices and activities that changed her perspective.
“It’s crucial to engage in these discussions before emergencies arise,” emphasized Logan, who, alongside Ruby Care Partner Patty Williams, assists families in navigating the complexities of senior housing and connecting them with various healthcare professionals. “Most families are forced to make decisions under crisis conditions, which hinders clear thinking.”
David Stanley, the owner of Custom Caregivers, which provides personal care services in a variety of settings, stresses the importance of timing when addressing the subject of moving or seeking support. “It’s vital to express your willingness to help navigate upcoming challenges, acknowledging that it isn’t merely a matter of the children knowing what is best; it’s about recognizing how hard it is to relinquish independence,” said Stanley. “Changes in driving, personal affairs, and cooking can feel intrusive and unsettling.”
Facilitating these life transitions often involves having some challenging discussions. Experts like Logan, Stanley, and estate planning, business, and social security attorney Colin Smith emphasize the crucial nature of establishing power of attorney for both medical and financial matters.
“Instead of directly asking your parent what they desire or who they trust to manage their affairs—which might feel uncomfortable—consider reframing the discussion,” suggested Smith. “Addressing these issues before any potential decline in cognitive ability is essential to avoid future complications.”
Although power of attorney arrangements are commonly associated with seniors, they are equally important for young adults and the generation bridging the gap. If an unexpected incident befalls your child, just like with older adults, lacking proper documentation could necessitate a court order to authorize someone to make healthcare decisions or manage finances on their behalf.
Taking care of your own affairs while in good mental health is never premature; start the conversation by mentioning, “I recently organized my future plans for the kids and realized their importance—I’d love to know what arrangements you have in place, too.” If they’ve already sorted things out, they will likely be open to sharing. If not, this may prompt them to take the necessary steps.
“Our seniors have spent years accumulating their assets, and it’s critical to invest time, money, and effort to safeguard that,” Smith remarked, cautioning against hastily completed online POAs. “It is essential to seek guidance or take appropriate actions while we are still of sound mind to convey our wishes clearly to our families.”
Juggling the demands of preparing meals for your children while addressing your parents’ needs can feel overwhelming, but remember—take one step at a time, chew slowly, and savor the journey.
