By Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor
The COVID-19 pandemic has dramatically disrupted our daily routines, and for many, it has endangered our livelihoods. It’s been challenging to confront those affected by the virus, whether they are battling illness or mourning their losses. This period has created immense stress and various personal challenges, as well as difficulties for our families. With so many voices sharing an overwhelming amount of often conflicting information, what we primarily seek is to protect our loved ones and help our children flourish amid this crisis.
Our youth, including teens and college students, have faced particularly difficult circumstances. Milestones such as proms, a significant rite of passage for many high schoolers, have vanished, and for seniors, graduation ceremonies may occur, but they will be markedly different. Traditional celebratory events have been canceled, and high school students have been relegated to remote learning. While educators have attempted to adapt, many students’ academic achievements have been compromised. Recently, I spoke with a high school junior who excels at soccer; his training has been reduced to his club coach sending out exercises. This raises concerns about the implications for potential athletic scholarships.
Similarly, college students have been significantly affected too. They’ve been sent home and forced to continue their education online. The breadth of this impact is vast, touching on academics and essential social interactions that define collegiate life, abruptly brought to an end. Particularly for graduating seniors, the excitement of graduation—complete with celebrations and photos with friends and faculty—has been stripped away. For many, the chance to bid farewell to friends was lost, with no hugs shared at the end.
The “fear of missing out” has become a stark reality, resulting in the loss of school experiences, social circles, significant events, and friendships. Perhaps most distressingly, these young adults are grappling with their unfulfilled dreams. Such overwhelming emotions—including anxiety, stress, disappointment, and grief—have emerged, alongside feelings of guilt. In comparison to lives lost due to the virus, some may feel unworthy of expressing their sorrow, yet their feelings are valid. Grief accompanies loss, even if it may not seem as monumental as losing a job, financial stability, or a loved one, these emotional disruptions can still profoundly impact our well-being. As parents, we recognize our own challenges but more pressingly, we see our children wrestling with their trials. How can we support them?
Life inevitably presents formidable challenges that demand our resilience as parents. It is our responsibility to demonstrate to our children the importance of resilience and hope. We must model the courage to rise after setbacks and encourage a positive mindset as we navigate this journey together. This resilience also includes accepting and processing our children’s grief for their diminished opportunities, as well as reflecting on our own lost dreams for their futures caused by this relentless virus.
As we navigate these difficulties, consider the following suggestions:
- Be present for your teen or young adult as they mourn their losses. Validate their feelings and ensure they comprehend the reality of their grief. Avoid dismissing their pain with clichés. They need the space to process their disappointment, and help guide them towards acceptance in their own time.
- As they approach acceptance, it may be beneficial to normalize their experience by clarifying that life encompasses losses, including the loss of aspirations.
- Consider encouraging an attitude of gratitude amid our current circumstances by recognizing the small joys that life offers each day. This might seem trivial, but embracing the beauty in our lives is valuable. The quality time we share with our families during this period may never replicate itself, and savoring it now can create lasting memories.
- As Mr. Rogers profoundly advised during times of tragedy, look for the helpers. Throughout the COVID-19 crisis, countless individuals have stepped up to support others. Among them are the healthcare professionals tirelessly striving to save lives. Additionally, many educators are finding creative ways to acknowledge students’ achievements amidst the disruption. I recently saw a touching story about a high school principal personally delivering signs to each of his graduating students, making it clear that their accomplishments matter. Numerous school officials are joining together to celebrate their students’ milestones. Recognizing such acts of kindness can uplift our spirits and inspire us to contribute positively.
Perhaps this is the key takeaway: anyone can step into the role of a helper. As it has been said, true self-esteem begins when we believe we can impact others positively. We can find numerous opportunities to provide support, even in small ways. It’s natural for our children to grieve, and it’s perfectly valid to experience sadness. Still, together we can embrace resilience, acknowledge the goodness around us, and extend our hands in kindness towards others.
“COVID-19 can’t cancel community. Or generosity. Or kindness.”
Editor’s Note:Dr. Dean Beckloff is a pediatric therapist, school counselor, and trainer, specializing in assisting children and families facing challenges such as divorce. He is the founder of the Beckloff Behavioral Center in Dallas. To reach Dr. Beckloff for consultations or inquiries, visit the Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center:DrBeckloff.com/ 972.250.1700
ABOUT DR. DEAN BECKLOFF:
Dr. Beckloff runs a counseling practice in Dallas, focusing on children’s mental health issues and support for families undergoing divorce. With extensive experience as a teacher, school counselor, and provider of teacher training, he has also worked at the Center for Play Therapy at the University of North Texas. Actively involved in community initiatives, Dr. Beckloff is dedicated to empowering children and families to thrive amidst life’s stressors.
